Journals374
Newest
Its been a while. Commission info!
1 min read
My last update has been while ago now, and things have definitely improved in my life. I live with my boyfriend Charlie and my two best friends, and I have been working on myself quite a bit. I still have major hurdles I have to jump through, but Overall things have been better. MY ART!! I have been getting better with my art, and i'm now at the point I can take commissions. I'm still new to the whole thing, so I hope I can make something you can be excited about... if anyone is still here that is. xD HOWEVER!! I wont take commissions here. I'm on my Twitter @DahliaErosBlack , so if you would like to see my new art and commission me, please go there. <3
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Reason why I don't really post anymore
5 min read
I don't really think anyone remembers or even cares about my art here, but here is a post to explain why this page is dead.
At one point in time, there were a lot of posts on this page. I would post weekly, or hell even daily of either MMD or artwork. It was a time of heavy creativity and where I felt confident in my growth. However, now I am lucky to post once a year. There are a few reasons behind my creative slump.
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I've been riding an emotional roller coaster for a few years now. And it's not just because of the house fire or Jesse's death; it's been a lot of things.
Here it is from the beginning: I was a horrible person to my ex-boyfriend, and we both were not good for each other. It was a toxic relationship that hurt us both deeply, and in the end we decided he should go back home. Not just to make him happy, but to help me see life in a new perspective. I have also been trying to figure myself out and what I am doing with my life, and finding myself to be of... less value than many. I went from someone who was pretty happy with most things, to someone who is cynical and overly emotional. I was so sick and tired of living about a year ago, that I didn't fear the thought of death. I didn't actively want to die, I was just tired of living. I had to go to counseling because I didn't see value in my existence. Thankfully, that mentality has changed and is slowly getting better. I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome; a mild form of Autism that stunts social development but tends to happen in individuals of abuse and higher IQ. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger…
My creativity I feel like has been stunted because I have ideas in my head... but they just cant get out. I've hit a point where tutorials might be my only salvation, or classes. I feel like I have hit a wall, and I feel like I should be much further in my art than I am now; I am happy with black lines.. but I cant color shit to save my life. I look at my inspirations like longestdistance or BlackSen , and I want to be able to get to that point in my art. So much color and expression that I find myself trying to imagine how they did it. But when I get my monitor tablet and try to draw... it's not great, and I can't figure out what to do. In the end, I put my tablet down and I find myself once again just admiring art instead of trying to hone my skills because of a depressing creative slump.
I went back to college, and in December I graduated college with an Associates Degree of Applied Science in Chemical Dependency Counseling. I should be doing better, right? Well no. I haven't gotten a job in my field yet because of the state registration fees. Everything is so damn expensive that I have to continue living paycheck to paycheck with my shitty part time job at a grocery store. I get so exhausted when I get home that I don't want to do anything aside from play games and talk to my boyfriend. To give you an idea, i'm paying for a shitty apartment that I can barely afford, internet, and electricity and only have at most 12-30 bucks for food every couple of weeks or so. And what's worse is my dad is... well, he's my dad. He wants the best for me, but sometimes we butt heads and it feels like no matter what I say, he never listens to me or wants to know if i'm okay. He has a vision for me, and if I dont fall into that vision, he's angry with me.
I keep praying for things to get better, and they will... but sometimes its just too much for me to handle on my own. I get so fucking depressed that I burst into tears at random times, and want to hide away. But I keep picking myself back up and dragging forth a will to keep going on.
My rock through all of this is my amazing Boyfriend, who has been so supportive and loving. He might get frustrated with me and scolds me at times, but he's patient and understanding. Honestly, I think I would be lost without him. He's there to remind me that there is someone waiting for me, and is there for me when I feel the most alone. I want to repay him someday, but right now I just need to get past this hurdle in my life.
-------------------------
So in the end... i'm praying things get better soon. I want to draw again, I want to create things again. I want to make so many beautiful things that I can be proud of in the future. I just hate that I have to do 90% of it on my own. So... bare with me if anyone is even here anymore.
At one point in time, there were a lot of posts on this page. I would post weekly, or hell even daily of either MMD or artwork. It was a time of heavy creativity and where I felt confident in my growth. However, now I am lucky to post once a year. There are a few reasons behind my creative slump.
----------
I've been riding an emotional roller coaster for a few years now. And it's not just because of the house fire or Jesse's death; it's been a lot of things.
Here it is from the beginning: I was a horrible person to my ex-boyfriend, and we both were not good for each other. It was a toxic relationship that hurt us both deeply, and in the end we decided he should go back home. Not just to make him happy, but to help me see life in a new perspective. I have also been trying to figure myself out and what I am doing with my life, and finding myself to be of... less value than many. I went from someone who was pretty happy with most things, to someone who is cynical and overly emotional. I was so sick and tired of living about a year ago, that I didn't fear the thought of death. I didn't actively want to die, I was just tired of living. I had to go to counseling because I didn't see value in my existence. Thankfully, that mentality has changed and is slowly getting better. I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome; a mild form of Autism that stunts social development but tends to happen in individuals of abuse and higher IQ. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger…
My creativity I feel like has been stunted because I have ideas in my head... but they just cant get out. I've hit a point where tutorials might be my only salvation, or classes. I feel like I have hit a wall, and I feel like I should be much further in my art than I am now; I am happy with black lines.. but I cant color shit to save my life. I look at my inspirations like longestdistance or BlackSen , and I want to be able to get to that point in my art. So much color and expression that I find myself trying to imagine how they did it. But when I get my monitor tablet and try to draw... it's not great, and I can't figure out what to do. In the end, I put my tablet down and I find myself once again just admiring art instead of trying to hone my skills because of a depressing creative slump.
I went back to college, and in December I graduated college with an Associates Degree of Applied Science in Chemical Dependency Counseling. I should be doing better, right? Well no. I haven't gotten a job in my field yet because of the state registration fees. Everything is so damn expensive that I have to continue living paycheck to paycheck with my shitty part time job at a grocery store. I get so exhausted when I get home that I don't want to do anything aside from play games and talk to my boyfriend. To give you an idea, i'm paying for a shitty apartment that I can barely afford, internet, and electricity and only have at most 12-30 bucks for food every couple of weeks or so. And what's worse is my dad is... well, he's my dad. He wants the best for me, but sometimes we butt heads and it feels like no matter what I say, he never listens to me or wants to know if i'm okay. He has a vision for me, and if I dont fall into that vision, he's angry with me.
I keep praying for things to get better, and they will... but sometimes its just too much for me to handle on my own. I get so fucking depressed that I burst into tears at random times, and want to hide away. But I keep picking myself back up and dragging forth a will to keep going on.
My rock through all of this is my amazing Boyfriend, who has been so supportive and loving. He might get frustrated with me and scolds me at times, but he's patient and understanding. Honestly, I think I would be lost without him. He's there to remind me that there is someone waiting for me, and is there for me when I feel the most alone. I want to repay him someday, but right now I just need to get past this hurdle in my life.
-------------------------
So in the end... i'm praying things get better soon. I want to draw again, I want to create things again. I want to make so many beautiful things that I can be proud of in the future. I just hate that I have to do 90% of it on my own. So... bare with me if anyone is even here anymore.
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I wanna change my name
1 min read
The name "Sez" was an old nickname given to me by someone I liked when I was 14. Even though they are no longer in my life, the name Sez kinda stuck for some reason.
However, I don't really like it anymore.
I want a name that I decided on myself.
So from now on, my new signature is Dahlia.
However, I don't really like it anymore.
I want a name that I decided on myself.
So from now on, my new signature is Dahlia.
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ARTIST DISCORD
1 min read
I dont come on here really anymore, but im gonna post this for my fellow artists. JUST FOR ARTISTS... TO TALK ABOUT ART. AND STUFF.
discord.gg/rFdFV5
discord.gg/rFdFV5
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-blows dust off account-
1 min read
Sorry I dont really post here anymore. I've.... kinda been drawing more NSFW stuff on my secret blog on tumblr.
IN OTHER NEWS, I FINALLY GOT A MONITOR TABLET AFTER 3 YEARS!!!
xte7u1vzn6ivkpc217lti2md-wpeng…;
THIS IS THE ONE AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! <3
IN OTHER NEWS, I FINALLY GOT A MONITOR TABLET AFTER 3 YEARS!!!
xte7u1vzn6ivkpc217lti2md-wpeng…;
THIS IS THE ONE AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! <3
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